Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
