I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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