I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
