Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
bring money and cleavage
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When did angry sex become our thing?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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