I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
