Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
