i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
