dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
