My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's shark week go big or go home
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
