I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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