yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
