His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
