It was confusing and full of hummus
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
