I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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