Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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