that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize