I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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