she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
