Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
