do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
