do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
