barbara walters just said penis...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
