lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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