Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
