4 words: hood of his car
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
