i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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