I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
