I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
