hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
