You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
