you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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