it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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