Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
love makes seman taste better
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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