im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
