The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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