Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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