hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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