she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he shaved USA in his pubs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
