I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
