Jerry, you need to find god
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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