i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
