Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
