we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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