"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
