i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
