In the future we'll all be gay
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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