things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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