Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
