ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
