Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
