The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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