4 words: hood of his car
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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