whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
