just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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