So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
