That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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