I will die if light touches me.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
