I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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