And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
