Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
