You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
