i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
