HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
