I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
